Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Drag Me to Hell

I went to the screening of Drag Me to Hell tonight, and this is what I think...

I think the movie was amusing and certainly a mix of every horror/comedy film ever made, but there was something even more horrifying/comedic in the theater tonight, and his name was Fat Bastard. Okay, that is probably not his real name, but he was so huge that parts of him overwhelmed three seats.

If he were on an airplane, and he paid for three seats, and he were not too close to me, I might have been somewhat okay with it. Unfortunately, he was another critic's guest, and two of the seats he was "occupying" were already being used by others (one belonged to the friend who brought him and the other belonged to the boyfriend of another unusual character named Heather, who was tagging along while her boyfriend/critic was there to gather material for another "smart but very very very very silly" review). And you know what is worse? This comment may banish me to an even lower level of hell, but I really hate when I see big people eating disgusting, junk foods. You know you do, too. Yeah, I know...some people have medical issues and some people have serious psychological issues...and I really do believe that and empathize. BUT. When your fat is getting in the way of others (like spilling over on top of them) and you add insult to injury by acquiring MORE of it right in front of everyone, then I have a problem with you. Fat Bastard, go home and eat celery until you regain your health.

I am going to play Pollyanna now and find the silver lining. Oh snap, move over, Pollyanna - I found TWO!

Number One (slightly silver): He was well dressed and polite.

Number Two (gleaming): He was supposed to sit next to me but his critic friend wanted to sit with another critic friend of his, so he moved his reservation to the row in front of us!!!! Thank God. Best part of that story: when he changed seats, FB was still out getting the snacks when his critic friend asked Heather if there was room for he and a friend. Maybe he should have confessed that his friend ate an elephant on his way to the theater before he asked her to agree to that.

I think there should be size restrictions on theater seats. And before you yell at me for being heartless and rude, please try to realize that this man was not large, or even fat. He was absolutely enormous. Unhealthy. Scary. Unfair. I am not just ranting about "fat people," I am exasperated by the man who brought new meaning to "extra extra extra extra large." You got it, I just invented that phrase and he already brought new meaning to it.

I think if you are big enough for me to live inside of you, you should respect the people around you and show up early enough to reserve three seats for yourself.

1 comment:

  1. He was really that big?

    And lol, sorry you had to go through that