I have no idea why MTV was on the television, but Paris Hilton's My New BFF came on, and this is what I think...
The show is utterly ridiculous in every way and I think I love it. 11 girls and 1 boy vying to be Paris's new best friend by taking dares to prove they are in it for Paris and not for fame...you must be kidding.
So far, Paris has made the girls (a term she uses to describe all of her potential new bffs, including the boy), put on a show and tell, dance on a stripper pole, and pet a tiger. Whatever. The show itself is totally uninteresting, but the ridiculous things the contestants (and Paris) say are the true "value" of this nonsense.
Presenting, my top three favorite things said on My New BFF so far!
THREE
In response to why she hates sorority girls, one brilliant chick noted the age old criticism, "and they PAY for FRIENDS!" as if this were some original revelation about why sorority girls were worthless...really? Really, girl who is competing for Paris Hilton's friendship on a reality tv show? Shut your pie hole.
TWO
Paris tested the nerves of the contestants by having them pet a baby tiger, and then, while debating whether to send two of them home for having no personality, sagely noted, "the tiger didn't eat either of you, and that means a lot to me!" Cool, Paris, I totally expected that cat to shred those two...like, I am totally shocked that he was not interested in their dullness either...
ONE
The gay guy got too nervous to dance on the stripper pole because the audience was a bunch of drunk hetero guys, so he started to cry and refused to do it. Later, when Paris asked why he should be allowed to stay in the competition to be her BFF, he said "I'm really family oriented...my dream goal is to have an orphanage...for cats and dogs." Stephen, WHAT? You should be Paris's friend because you like families? And your idea of a family is a cat and a dog? I am not sure you understand the question, and I definitely did not understand your answer.
Okay, okay, okay, I breezed through that little competition of stupid quotes because I really wanted to get to the BEST part of the show by far...
Presenting....ONCH!
I have to say, this picture really normalizes Onch, the girliest Asian boy who ever did live. This outfit is surprisingly tame, but I chose it because it includes my favorite of his accessories, the headbaby. He was, apparently, a contestant on the first season and, though he somehow did not win, Paris clearly loves him because she brought him back as her sidekick/court jester/pet dog/whatever for this season. THANK YOU PARIS!
Dear Onch,
I would continue to watch this show just to see what you were going to wear, and to watch you flit about the sets so light in your bizarre loafers.
Love,
Brandon
this is genius!
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