Sunday, June 28, 2009

Stoned Wallabies

I just read the headlines on tonight and this is what I think...

Hahahahhaha! I think I may have just read the funniest headline of my life. It is not that there were any typos, inuendos, or hilarious coincidences that may have turned up on The Tonight Show; the headline itself is just so surprising.

"Stoned Wallabies Make Crop Circles"


Number one: stoned wallabies? Reuters is a respected newsource provding international news on a daily basis and it used the word "stoned?!" And in relation to wallabies?! If you are like me, your only connection to a wallaby is Nickelodeon's former (and fantastic) show Rocko's Modern Life, starring Rocko the wallaby. While it would not be too much of a stetch for me to imagine Rocko stoned, it proves somewhat more difficult for me to imagine a real wallaby smoking up...(or at all...sorry Australia, but your mammals are so unique that they only appear in cartoons and the occasional zoo here in the States).

Number two: wallabies make crop circles??? Is this not something that alien conspirators have been promoting since England began pumping out these mysteries? I have read my share of information related to crop circles (while reading "2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl") and it seems that they are extraordinarily elaborate situations that would be difficult for even the most intellgient of stoned humans to create. Apparently this is not as difficult for the wallaby. Currently, I believe that the general public finds chimpanzees to be closest to humans in mental capability, followed by the dolphin, which shares many similarities with our own species, and some have even made the case that pigs are exceptionally brilliant creatures. Apparently everyone is wrong, for the wallaby is capable of creating a phenomenon so complex that it had formerly been attributed to more intellgient, alien life forms.

Number three: why? I suppose the question is not why they are getting stoned, but why are they creating crop circles?! Are they sitting around in their little wallaby homes laughing at the humans who are making alien conspiracy claims? Do they giggle when planes go by, taking pictures of their work and publishing them in books as proof of life on other planets? Are they also responsible for all of those human abductions and probing experiments? Did they kidnap Elvis? Did they build Stonehenge? Are wallabies the answer to all of life's mysteries?!

The truth of the matter is not nearly this fantastic, but the headline sure led me to think all of those things for that millisecond between reading the headline and clicking on the link...

I suggest you also click it to find out exactly why wallabies are getting stoned and creating art...

Stoned Wallabies!

1 comment:

  1. Boy, do I have one helluva of a movie premise for Mr. M. Night Shyamalan. "Signs 2: Revenge of the Wallabies," anyone?